Hello again!

Hello to you all. I've been seriously slacking on this blog. Can I be blunt on this thing? I mean, I don't mind the judgment, but, I haven't really found my writing groove on this thing quite yet. I feel that people enjoy reading blunt honesty instead of fake happiness, but at the same time, I feel scared about putting myself completely out there. My life. My Dreams. My Fears. The things that hurt, the things that make me smile.

Ok, mind if I indulge myself for a bit? If you don't know already, my name is Megan. I am 22 years old. I got pregnant with my daughter, Madelyn at 19. She is now almost 2, and it has NOT been an easy road. On top of a surprise pregnancy during the most trivial time in my life (well, at the time), I got pregnant by someone I barely new, was thrown into a relationship, and was forced to find myself, to make it work, to become the woman I should be.

I could talk about my relationship all day everyday, but I'm not, not right now at least. More about being thrown into motherhood at 19. Since as long as I can remember I've wanted a baby, something to complete me, make me whole, make my mundane life worthy of something. I was out of control, bipolar to the extreme, not in a care in the world about anything. Then one day...


BAM


positive pregnancy test. I remember the moment well. I KNEW it would be positive (maybe i'm psychic?) it was just a hunch. So, when I saw those two little pink lines reveal themselves, I had a sinking/uplifting feeling at the same time. I wanted to laugh, and cry. I wanted to scream and smile. It didn't come out that way though, I pretty much cried. Then I called my father, yes, my FATHER. Not my mother. Interesting, right?

Telling Jason (the father and fiance), was something I didn't want to do, I was scared, I had JUST met him a month ago, we had ONLY slept together maybe 3 or 4 times. How do you tell someone you barely know that you're pregnant? Is he going to stick around? Could he love me? All these questions ran through my head, including the fact that he has had a pretty rough past, and silly little judgmental me, saying, does my child really deserve a father who did those things?

Well things ended up (seemingly) perfect. Not only did he stick around, but we moved in together and we are not engaged. The little details in between will soon reveal themselves. It wasn't easy, and it's far from perfect, but that's what I'm going to use this blog for, to scratch through the surface. I would love to share my life with all of you. I would be happy to receive love and criticism.

Till next time...