Hello again!

Hello to you all. I've been seriously slacking on this blog. Can I be blunt on this thing? I mean, I don't mind the judgment, but, I haven't really found my writing groove on this thing quite yet. I feel that people enjoy reading blunt honesty instead of fake happiness, but at the same time, I feel scared about putting myself completely out there. My life. My Dreams. My Fears. The things that hurt, the things that make me smile.

Ok, mind if I indulge myself for a bit? If you don't know already, my name is Megan. I am 22 years old. I got pregnant with my daughter, Madelyn at 19. She is now almost 2, and it has NOT been an easy road. On top of a surprise pregnancy during the most trivial time in my life (well, at the time), I got pregnant by someone I barely new, was thrown into a relationship, and was forced to find myself, to make it work, to become the woman I should be.

I could talk about my relationship all day everyday, but I'm not, not right now at least. More about being thrown into motherhood at 19. Since as long as I can remember I've wanted a baby, something to complete me, make me whole, make my mundane life worthy of something. I was out of control, bipolar to the extreme, not in a care in the world about anything. Then one day...


BAM


positive pregnancy test. I remember the moment well. I KNEW it would be positive (maybe i'm psychic?) it was just a hunch. So, when I saw those two little pink lines reveal themselves, I had a sinking/uplifting feeling at the same time. I wanted to laugh, and cry. I wanted to scream and smile. It didn't come out that way though, I pretty much cried. Then I called my father, yes, my FATHER. Not my mother. Interesting, right?

Telling Jason (the father and fiance), was something I didn't want to do, I was scared, I had JUST met him a month ago, we had ONLY slept together maybe 3 or 4 times. How do you tell someone you barely know that you're pregnant? Is he going to stick around? Could he love me? All these questions ran through my head, including the fact that he has had a pretty rough past, and silly little judgmental me, saying, does my child really deserve a father who did those things?

Well things ended up (seemingly) perfect. Not only did he stick around, but we moved in together and we are not engaged. The little details in between will soon reveal themselves. It wasn't easy, and it's far from perfect, but that's what I'm going to use this blog for, to scratch through the surface. I would love to share my life with all of you. I would be happy to receive love and criticism.

Till next time...

Baby

I have the strongest desire for another baby. it's almost painful.

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've updated. Partly because I am emotionally and physically drained, and partly because what is going on in my life is too personal to post all over the internet. I want so badly to be able to write about my life, to tell whoever reads this what is going on, but something is holding me back, so for now I'm going to write about how Mady is doing.

She's growing before my eyes, and it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. She is the most beautiful child I have ever laid my eyes on, and I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love her. I would do anything for her. She is my gem.

Whoever reads my blog, I ask for you to pray for me and my daughter, that I will be able to make the right choices for her and myself. She is my number one, and I love her very much. Hopefully as time goes on I will be able to open up more about my life, and the choices I make.

Alias 2

I'm convinced my phone has lost it's will to live.

A week ago, my phone decided to attempt suicide. Oh, I know, such an awful topic to bring up. But, really.

I have dropped this phone (Verizon Alias 2) so many times, and nothing has happened. One fateful day (last week), I hit my phone against our baby gate (that separates our living room into our hallway) emphasizing a point. I noticed about an hour later, that my main screen was black -- and cracked right down the middle. After this incident my phone has (literally) jumped out of my hands countless times, doing no (obvious) further damage.

I now have the fun task of deciding I want the enV3, enV touch, or the Alias 2 once again. (lucky for me my birthday is on Friday).

Alias 2 has no more will to live. I have 40+ text messages and missed calls I can't view. My phone is useless.

So, for those of you who read this blog, and wonder why i'm not calling/texting you back ... you know why.

This is my update for you today -- give me some feedback as to which phone you think I should invest in this time!

<3M

Word up it's Word Girl

Madelyn has been a very cranky girl this past few days, and so have I. I'm not sure if it's this bitter weather, or what.

I'm starting to get spring fever, bad. I fantasize about taking Madelyn to the park on a warm spring day. I just feel so cooped up in this apartment.

My 22nd birthday is coming up on Friday! We're going to do pizza at my Dad's and then he's going to watch Mady while Jay and I go to Duffer's to see Uncle Bill's band play! The whole family will be there, so it should be a lot of fun :)

There's really not much to update today, just that this week hasn't been one of the best.

Come on warm weather!!

Forget me not

I have a horrible memory. I always get blamed for this. It's not my fault really ... I honestly don't know who or what to blame. I'm sorry if I've ever forgotten anything super sweet that someone did for me, or a really important appointment. It's not my fault ... really.

I lost my temporary registration for my car. And supposedly, the state was supposed to mail me my title ... that never happened (at least not that I can remember).

See what I mean?!

When I was little, the doctors told me it was a side effect of my medication, then when I went off the medication, they told me it was stress.

I don't think it's either. I think I'm losing my mind.

I don't this is normal for a 21 year old to experience memory loss as much as I do, and it's very frustrating, as I'm sure you can imagine. Besides the fact that I'm always loosing things and forgetting important dates. People get mad. They get really mad at me. But it's not my fault ... really.

Avatar

Mady is wearing sneakers.
I know! How adorable -- she also climbs on the furniture...not so adorable.

I'm in a mood to be crafty. I want to create something. Jason always has all the idea's running through his head. He truly inspires me (even if the 20 ideas a day does get a bit annoying). I wish my mind worked like that -- constantly creating ... something.

***
In the movies. Jason and I saw Avatar in 3D IMAX at KOP. Absolutely Amazing. Jason showed up with a big bottle of Gatorade (shut-up, I was totally craving some) and a bouquet of white flowers (not sure what kind they were). He swept me off my feet and took me to the greatest movie ever shown in theaters. It was the PERFECT date :) I couldn't of asked for a better night.

Lastly:
I would like to start making crafty little things and selling them. Any idea's for what's in demand these days and what you people are willing to buy? Idea's are appreciated :)


<3m>

Procrastination

My daughter speaks.


I know. I can't believe it.

She said Hat, and pointed to a Hat. She can connect the word with the object.

I'm so extravagantly happy, and at the same time, scared shitless!

Madelyn is getting SO big! I've been thinking more and more lately about what kind of mother I really want to be. You know, June Cleaver, or Lorelei Gilmore. I decided I want to be a combination of the two. I feel like I have so much more to learn about myself before I can settle completely into my role. I need to relax and truly embrace the lifestyle I have chosen.

I really tons of blogs, and to all you mothers out there -- you are truly inspiring! You are able to keep every ounce of your personality alive and at the same time, raise a child. Often I feel myself slipping away -- slowly becoming this person I've always dreaded.

I should meditate more, appreciate more, and slow down ... just a bit.

Till next time.

<3M

Oh! Jason was on Preston and Steve this morning! .. Or should I say, radio show! Yay :)

I'm still not sure if anyone reads this

Hello to all! I'm sorry I've been a bit lazy with my postings. I'm now typing on my brand new laptop desk and using my new mouse! (both presents from my lovely fiance).

There have been so many new additions to our house since Christmas! Madelyn got many new toys (including a jack-in-the-box, two doggies that sing and talk, a new chair, new outfits and much much more!). I got a Wii and Wii fit!

It was a fun filled Christmas, mainly because I was surrounded by my amazing family. They make the holiday what it is to me.

New and (scary) update: We are planning to move! We set up two appointments on Saturday to look at new places, both in the immediate area (DHill and Lansdowne). Scary thought though. Leaving this apartment behind. So many amazing memories that I'll never forget. Especially ones including my little bundle of joy.

I will take a copious amount of pictures on Saturday for you all to see (i know you're curious).

Till next time!

<3m