Update 2012

I haven't written on this thing in a while -- but hey, now's a better time to start then any. As most of my blog entry's go "so much has changed". It is now 2012, not 2010. I am living back with my Dad, new boyfriend, new job, oh and baby #2 on the way. Yes, you read that right. I am pregnant out of wedlock yet again. Not exactly how I saw my life panning out, but hey, everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?

I am working as a waitress at Westgate Pub and have been for the past year. My little pugger, pookin, baby fat fat (daughter Madelyn) is 3 years old going on 4 in a few months. *ahhhh* time fly's doesn't it?!?!?! I feel so old, I am old. I am 24 years old now, to be exactly.

Hm, what else? Shall I update a little on the boyfriend? His name is Jonathon, and we have been dating for a little over a year, official since last March. He is wonderful. We live about 45 minutes apart, and this relationship is still alive and kicking, I can't explain to you how much I love this man. I would do anything for him. He is going to school for pre-med, and is very intelligent, he's funny and sweet. We connected on a dating site, completely random, I was drawn to him before we started talking -- and even more after reading his profile. He has a wonderfully intriguing mind, and the most beautiful smile I think I've ever seen on a person. He makes me very happy.

What else to talk about? Ah yes, the pregnancy. Unexpected, yes. Very unexpected, in fact, more unexpected than my first accidental pregnancy. I am currently 23 weeks along, 5 months, and if I am correct, almost 6. It has been a very easy pregnancy so far, emotionally, physically, in the beginning it was a bit bumpy, but that evened out pretty quickly, and it's smooth sailing from here! Hopefully once the baby arrives I can say the same.

I know what the sex is, but Jonathon does not, he wants to wait to be surprised! I want to respect that, so I will not be revealing the sex, on any source online, in case he come's across this :)

Anyway. I can't think of much to update about for now, without writing a novel. I'll keep it short and quick and just update daily :) I miss blogging a bit.

For now...

Hello again!

Hello to you all. I've been seriously slacking on this blog. Can I be blunt on this thing? I mean, I don't mind the judgment, but, I haven't really found my writing groove on this thing quite yet. I feel that people enjoy reading blunt honesty instead of fake happiness, but at the same time, I feel scared about putting myself completely out there. My life. My Dreams. My Fears. The things that hurt, the things that make me smile.

Ok, mind if I indulge myself for a bit? If you don't know already, my name is Megan. I am 22 years old. I got pregnant with my daughter, Madelyn at 19. She is now almost 2, and it has NOT been an easy road. On top of a surprise pregnancy during the most trivial time in my life (well, at the time), I got pregnant by someone I barely new, was thrown into a relationship, and was forced to find myself, to make it work, to become the woman I should be.

I could talk about my relationship all day everyday, but I'm not, not right now at least. More about being thrown into motherhood at 19. Since as long as I can remember I've wanted a baby, something to complete me, make me whole, make my mundane life worthy of something. I was out of control, bipolar to the extreme, not in a care in the world about anything. Then one day...


BAM


positive pregnancy test. I remember the moment well. I KNEW it would be positive (maybe i'm psychic?) it was just a hunch. So, when I saw those two little pink lines reveal themselves, I had a sinking/uplifting feeling at the same time. I wanted to laugh, and cry. I wanted to scream and smile. It didn't come out that way though, I pretty much cried. Then I called my father, yes, my FATHER. Not my mother. Interesting, right?

Telling Jason (the father and fiance), was something I didn't want to do, I was scared, I had JUST met him a month ago, we had ONLY slept together maybe 3 or 4 times. How do you tell someone you barely know that you're pregnant? Is he going to stick around? Could he love me? All these questions ran through my head, including the fact that he has had a pretty rough past, and silly little judgmental me, saying, does my child really deserve a father who did those things?

Well things ended up (seemingly) perfect. Not only did he stick around, but we moved in together and we are not engaged. The little details in between will soon reveal themselves. It wasn't easy, and it's far from perfect, but that's what I'm going to use this blog for, to scratch through the surface. I would love to share my life with all of you. I would be happy to receive love and criticism.

Till next time...

Baby

I have the strongest desire for another baby. it's almost painful.

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've updated. Partly because I am emotionally and physically drained, and partly because what is going on in my life is too personal to post all over the internet. I want so badly to be able to write about my life, to tell whoever reads this what is going on, but something is holding me back, so for now I'm going to write about how Mady is doing.

She's growing before my eyes, and it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. She is the most beautiful child I have ever laid my eyes on, and I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love her. I would do anything for her. She is my gem.

Whoever reads my blog, I ask for you to pray for me and my daughter, that I will be able to make the right choices for her and myself. She is my number one, and I love her very much. Hopefully as time goes on I will be able to open up more about my life, and the choices I make.

Alias 2

I'm convinced my phone has lost it's will to live.

A week ago, my phone decided to attempt suicide. Oh, I know, such an awful topic to bring up. But, really.

I have dropped this phone (Verizon Alias 2) so many times, and nothing has happened. One fateful day (last week), I hit my phone against our baby gate (that separates our living room into our hallway) emphasizing a point. I noticed about an hour later, that my main screen was black -- and cracked right down the middle. After this incident my phone has (literally) jumped out of my hands countless times, doing no (obvious) further damage.

I now have the fun task of deciding I want the enV3, enV touch, or the Alias 2 once again. (lucky for me my birthday is on Friday).

Alias 2 has no more will to live. I have 40+ text messages and missed calls I can't view. My phone is useless.

So, for those of you who read this blog, and wonder why i'm not calling/texting you back ... you know why.

This is my update for you today -- give me some feedback as to which phone you think I should invest in this time!

<3M

Word up it's Word Girl

Madelyn has been a very cranky girl this past few days, and so have I. I'm not sure if it's this bitter weather, or what.

I'm starting to get spring fever, bad. I fantasize about taking Madelyn to the park on a warm spring day. I just feel so cooped up in this apartment.

My 22nd birthday is coming up on Friday! We're going to do pizza at my Dad's and then he's going to watch Mady while Jay and I go to Duffer's to see Uncle Bill's band play! The whole family will be there, so it should be a lot of fun :)

There's really not much to update today, just that this week hasn't been one of the best.

Come on warm weather!!

Forget me not

I have a horrible memory. I always get blamed for this. It's not my fault really ... I honestly don't know who or what to blame. I'm sorry if I've ever forgotten anything super sweet that someone did for me, or a really important appointment. It's not my fault ... really.

I lost my temporary registration for my car. And supposedly, the state was supposed to mail me my title ... that never happened (at least not that I can remember).

See what I mean?!

When I was little, the doctors told me it was a side effect of my medication, then when I went off the medication, they told me it was stress.

I don't think it's either. I think I'm losing my mind.

I don't this is normal for a 21 year old to experience memory loss as much as I do, and it's very frustrating, as I'm sure you can imagine. Besides the fact that I'm always loosing things and forgetting important dates. People get mad. They get really mad at me. But it's not my fault ... really.

Avatar

Mady is wearing sneakers.
I know! How adorable -- she also climbs on the furniture...not so adorable.

I'm in a mood to be crafty. I want to create something. Jason always has all the idea's running through his head. He truly inspires me (even if the 20 ideas a day does get a bit annoying). I wish my mind worked like that -- constantly creating ... something.

***
In the movies. Jason and I saw Avatar in 3D IMAX at KOP. Absolutely Amazing. Jason showed up with a big bottle of Gatorade (shut-up, I was totally craving some) and a bouquet of white flowers (not sure what kind they were). He swept me off my feet and took me to the greatest movie ever shown in theaters. It was the PERFECT date :) I couldn't of asked for a better night.

Lastly:
I would like to start making crafty little things and selling them. Any idea's for what's in demand these days and what you people are willing to buy? Idea's are appreciated :)


<3m>

Procrastination

My daughter speaks.


I know. I can't believe it.

She said Hat, and pointed to a Hat. She can connect the word with the object.

I'm so extravagantly happy, and at the same time, scared shitless!

Madelyn is getting SO big! I've been thinking more and more lately about what kind of mother I really want to be. You know, June Cleaver, or Lorelei Gilmore. I decided I want to be a combination of the two. I feel like I have so much more to learn about myself before I can settle completely into my role. I need to relax and truly embrace the lifestyle I have chosen.

I really tons of blogs, and to all you mothers out there -- you are truly inspiring! You are able to keep every ounce of your personality alive and at the same time, raise a child. Often I feel myself slipping away -- slowly becoming this person I've always dreaded.

I should meditate more, appreciate more, and slow down ... just a bit.

Till next time.

<3M

Oh! Jason was on Preston and Steve this morning! .. Or should I say, radio show! Yay :)

I'm still not sure if anyone reads this

Hello to all! I'm sorry I've been a bit lazy with my postings. I'm now typing on my brand new laptop desk and using my new mouse! (both presents from my lovely fiance).

There have been so many new additions to our house since Christmas! Madelyn got many new toys (including a jack-in-the-box, two doggies that sing and talk, a new chair, new outfits and much much more!). I got a Wii and Wii fit!

It was a fun filled Christmas, mainly because I was surrounded by my amazing family. They make the holiday what it is to me.

New and (scary) update: We are planning to move! We set up two appointments on Saturday to look at new places, both in the immediate area (DHill and Lansdowne). Scary thought though. Leaving this apartment behind. So many amazing memories that I'll never forget. Especially ones including my little bundle of joy.

I will take a copious amount of pictures on Saturday for you all to see (i know you're curious).

Till next time!

<3m

Sorry to anyone who reads this blog, I've been lazy the past few days, as is expected. Here are a few pictures I've taken over the past couple days!




Christmas was awesome. Mady got spoiled, as usual (Thank you aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents ect.)

Jason bought me Wii fit. Totally awesome. I plan on losing a good 20 lbs before the summer. I should take before and after pic's like they do on the biggest loser.


As some of you notice, i uploaded a playlist. This playlist is from when I was 18. Awesome. I miss those times.

Christmas Eve Eve

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate my daughter for eating yogurt and ENJOYING it for the first time this morning! Go Mady! My little healthy eater. (yeah, OK).

The day continued on, and I picked up my 13 year old sister Erin from school. She had a half day.

We went back to my mom's house, Mady, Erin, I and Mady's three bags of everything. Yeah, I like to over-pack.

After Mady's tummy was full and her diaper was clean I put her down for a nap. Erin and I decided to play Wii fit. That horribly, evil, Wii fit.
For the second time in a row, that damn game told me I was over-weight. Well -- I showed THAT Wii fit by exercising for an hour, doing a combination of yoga, running, and strength training. I'm not quite sure how many calories I burned, but I'm pretty sure I gained them all back after dinner. Yum.

Any who. When I arrived home, from a long exhausting day of showing Wii fit who's boss, I discovered my lovely fiance, and 5 lovely new gifts wrapped and placed under the tree.



Now, let me tell you. I really, really don't like surprised. I leaned over the couch and stared, stared...



I'm trying to figure it out, and I'm really trying not to think about it, (maybe). I just can't wait to open those darn presents!

I trust Jason, and his taste in everything awesome. (After all, he did get me the most beautiful engagement ring last Christmas).

Anyway -- I'm watching Man vs. Wild and I suck at multi-tasking. Till next time ...

<3M

Apple Juice and Carrot Wheels

I feel that I've been getting better lately. I feel like I'm getting into the groove more and more as the days go on. I'm being vague for a reason, so don't look into that statement too much!

My wonderful fiance wants to buy us a new couch! Of course, me being weary about our financial situation ( typical ) wasn't sure at first. I want to concentrate on moving on from this place to the next. hopefully a place I can call home! I'm aching to decorate. Paint walls. Hang pictures. Give Mady her own room and decorate that as well! Oh! What fun :)

I have this typical, perfect family fantasy. With 4 perfect little children, all of which I raise with the goodness and love of the Lord in their hearts. With a perfect hubby, who works hard all day to support the life we so desperately want. And when he comes home, he still has a smile on his face and is ready to tackle whatever projects are waiting for him at home.

I want to be the wife that dresses cute for her husband, cooks organic and healthy meals daily, cleans and does the wash, and after the baby goes to bed, spends a few hours alone with that man she so desperately wants to marry.

you might be confused.

I'm going in and out of fantasy and reality in this post.

the reality is...

my life isn't perfect.

i do have an amazing fiance who goes to work everyday to support the life we live.

I have one, wonderfully beautiful daughter I love with everything in me and more.

I want to have more babies ... 3 more.

I need a cute wardrobe so I can look presentable for my cute fiance because I don't fit into half the things I own so I normally cave into the sweatpants/t-shirt trend that is popular with mom's all over the world.

I need to get a cookbook that caters to my desire to cook healthy and organic. Because I don't cook organic or healthy at the moment.


I have a lot to work on.


I'm taking it one day at a time though. Things get better and then they get worse, but I am very positive at the moment that things are looking up this time.


I love you all --


<3m

Empty Milk Cartons

After Mady's lunch, I take her out of her high chair and let her stretch her legs while I warm up some milk.

Every time, she goes to the kitchen for empty cartons of milk and/or orange juice, and sometimes even bottles of coke. She grabs one in each hand and runs up and down the hallway and all through the house, as shown on the left.

I love this, I think it's hilarious. She enjoys it so much, I can't help but to smile every time I see her go into the kitchen and reach for the empty cartons...

this is Mady at 7am in the morning.

Actually she woke up at 6am. I didn't mind though. I feel so horrible, Madelyn is sick! I've been putting saline drops in her nose and sucking it back out with that weird bulb thing. I've been pumping Tylenol in her as often as the label says I can ... she was running a low grade fever.

Since she's sick, I don't want to be giving her milk, so I gave her some apple juice in a sippy cup and she still has yet to drink it! ... I might call the doctor.

Being sick is such an awful thing, especially when they're so young and there's just so much you can do! It always happens around the holiday's too!

Snowfall

Madelyn looking out at the first morning snow

Today was the first snowfall of (almost) winter! I woke up to a white blanket outside. It was magnificent. I really started to regret not buying Madelyn a snowsuit today. If she had one, I would have taken her outside first thing!

I spent most of the day with Mady just hanging out. I wish i would have done more today, actually. But, it is 7:30pm and the Christmas Tree is decorate, Clothes are folded and put away and the kitchen is spotless. I have the first and third to thank Jason for, if he hadn't helped I think I would have let stress get the best of me.

Christmas is on Friday, I can't believe it! Mady doesn't really understand what's going on this year, I don't think anymore then she did last year, but it's still fun nonetheless!

I bought "The Night Before Christmas" for her. My Dad, my sister's and I had this running tradition where every Christmas Eve before bed, my sister's and I would all cozy up around my Dad as he read to us. It is such a cherished memory of mine, and one I would like to carry on with my own daughter.

I love being a 20something stay-at-home mom. At time's I wish I had some form of income, no matter how small the cost, and I know I'll get there eventually. It's hard leaving Mady. I don't know what I'm afraid of, I know she'll be happy and safe when I return. It's just another emotional obstacle to overcome.

Till next time...

<3M

mommy blogger on the loose

So this is the first entry, of my new blog! I feel a need to start over, fresh. I want a change, something different.

And no, i'm not just talking about this blog. I'm talking about my life. My life as a mommy. And as a soon-to-be wife.

How many girls my age are really a stay-at-home mom, raising a one year old, and taking care of a man?

It's different, and fun. I really enjoy it.

So this is my mommy blog. Welcome. To. My. Life.

<3M